Thursday, August 25, 2011

just breathe.

it's too hard to think about, let alone talk about it, or write about it.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

hopelessly devoted.

the last time i saw a shooting star; i was lying in your arms, in the grass, our clothes were drenched in our own tears. we were looking up at the patch of sky we could see from the tunnel of trees around us, i was doubting, and you were reassuring me. as soon as you said the words "baby, i know we can be perfect again" a shooting star shot across the sky. we saw it as a miracle, our sign. tonight; when i was halfway through a sentence, i saw another shooting star. this time i wasn't talking about us, i was talking about the plan we had for our future. almost four years ago now; we planned out our wedding day, and we'd agreed on the name of our children. and tonight; as soon i said the name of our son 'jacob' another shooting star shot across the sky. my heart lit up, my eyes opened up a little wider, and the curves of my mouth were pointing upwards. we saw that shooting star as a miracle, as a sign. and i can't help but believe that this is another sign, a sign saying "hold on, all is not lost." a sign saying "don't give up."

Monday, August 1, 2011

you bring me back to reality.

"why would you think this wouldn't affect me?" "i don't know, i just thought you we're angry at me for my drunken one night stand." "are you kidding me. you think i'm that selfish to think about myself. i am so scared for you, i know where your headed and it's fucking horrible. i've been there, you wont be able to handle it. you need to stop. please, i'm begging you. you have to stop ok. i know you, and this isn't you. do you like who your becoming? do you like being this person?" "no not at all, i hate myself more and more each day. i'm destroying my life and i don't know why, i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. i need to stop, i can't go down this road, i don't think i could survive it. i'm disgusted with myself, and it just keeps getting worse. i need your help, i can't do this on my own." "i'm not going anywhere, i'm right here. but you need to cut this shit out ok. i can't bare watching you do this to yourself. i need you just as much as you need me."

Friday, July 29, 2011

i'm blocked.

i can't write. i can't let it out. none of it, it's driving me wild. 
and i don't know what to do.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

loved and lost.

i saw you in a dream last night, it was almost like i'd wound back the clock. you looked at me that way, that way you always used to look at me, that look told me more than we ever explained. you smiled at me, the way you used to always smile at me, and i smiled back, the way i used to always smile back. you held me in your arms, and you whispered in my ear. the butterflies were bursting out of my stomach, but then a cloud formed over our heads. one moment you were exstatic, it was like i'd wound back the clock, and then the next moment; a single tear dripped off your face, and you said goodbye. it hit me like a thousand knives all over my body, again and again and again. but then i woke up, and remembered reality.

the never-ending cycle.

cause i can't live, with or without you.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

thanks for ruining my day.

i know it was you, you left me a sign. your picture was sitting on my table, taken back out of the empty cigarette packet, and left there; of course it was you. i called you at least five times, and you didn't pick up any of them. and i know that means that your with her. so, i know it was you that took my cones. after breaking my phone at polytech, i was really looking forward to those when i came home. and, don't bring her to my house. ever again.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

please come home.

you help more than i realise. 
i miss you. i need you. 
more than ever, i need you here.
with me, at home, where you should be.

fuck what she thinks.

i don't care if she wants me in your life or not, because i know that you do. i don't blame you for not wanting to admit it to her, because you like her, and a part of you wants it to work with her. i know this because i've been where you are, and i made the same decision. but i also know the truth; deep down you want me, and i want you. i love you, and you love me, nothing that's happened in the past, or whats going to happen in the future is going to change that. it's always going to be you, and it's always going to be me. i don't care if she wants me in your life or not, because guess what? i'm not going anywhere, i'm standing my ground. i'm not giving up, you're worth it, we're worth it.