Sunday, October 17, 2010

sticking up for myself.

despite how much he means to you, doesn't change the fact that you slept with him, that you had to feel wanted by him, and yes it did fucking hurt your new boy. i saw him the night after and i could see it in his eyes that he was really upset about, he just didn't want to show it. his best friend told me how upset he got. even though i understand that you needed to feel wanted, you needed to feel loved, and he will always someone who you will always hold a place for in your life and heart. but it did hurt him. the girl he fucked is a slut, i know that, you know that, he knows that, i'm pretty sure most people know. look at your standards and then look at his, but it was 3 weeks after and you're great night, was the night after he called you from the snow and asked if you we're okay, after breaking your heart through text. that night, i was there for you. he knew i wouldn't have been able to keep it from you, and neither did i. i knew you needed to hear it, and i thought i was being a good friend by telling you. yes i let him get away, because i know what your like when you flip out. i was trying to help, in the end when we we're waiting for you. because yes, i did find them. but you wouldn't tell me where you we're. and then by the time i found you; he had gone home. i wanted to stop you from flipping out on him at my new boys house, not from you telling him what you think of him. but honestly, hurting him won't make you feel any better, maybe at the moment. but afterwards? what is left? him thinking less of you, and you bruising up your knuckles even more? because i don't care if you punch things, it's your fucking choice from now on. i'm not going to try stop you. you don't listen to me when i try to help you. and yeah maybe i was being a bit rude, but i think you needed to hear the truth, i was sick of trying to hide my honest opinion on how you've been recently, but i can't much longer. this is really hurting me, and you wont show a sign at all that you care, you haven't noticed that i'm struggling. other people have, but you haven't. everything is building up on me again. i'm trying my hardest to push through your anger and sort this out, but you're making it incredibly hard. i know i hurt you, i'm sorry. i am on your side, always have been and i always will be. please give me a chance to show you that, just us two? i don't want other people to get dragged into our shit, even though i know they already are. you enjoy telling people from what i've heard, it's horrible really.. finding out you've told people you barely ever see or talk to.  it's already starting to feel like a part of me is missing, it's ten times harder to survive without you, i need my other half. it's already been too long. i'm meant to be your best friend, and you've turned on me like this? i shouldn't have to prove myself to you, i thought it'd already done that. i stopped it all, i try and fix everything but you seem to be making it worse for yourself recently. and if i'm honest you can be downright fucking rude sometimes! wearing my patience thin a little bit. but i know we will get through this, just like everything else. i know we will. i'll always love you.

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