Thursday, November 11, 2010

feels like a life time ago, but i can remember it like yesterday.

i had been dreading this for months, i knew it was coming, but i had been able to distract myself recently, i can still remember it so clearly, after a minute of knowing you, i was running around speedway looking for money so i could get you and your friend i had only just met in. i sprinted around and found the right amount of money, but by the time i had come back you'd been let in already, i kinda wanted to impress you. the second you saw me you 'claimed me' whispering to your friend "shotgun" and from that night on, i was yours. that night changed my life, it turned my world upside down, and i have never fully recovered from it. that night, there was an amazing spark between us flying in every direction, we started talking and we never stopped, you saved me from my stalker, and i caught you off guard by telling you, i thought you were cute. i broke down into tears the other morning after noticing what the date was, i still cannot get my head around it, it's been three fucking years. i honestly thought that i would be with you for the rest of my life, we had it all planned out, but we didn't even make it to three years, about three months off actually. i gave up, i walked away, i've been trying to move on and changed my life ever since. this was the first time i had been away from you that this day had come to pass. you called me, and left me a voicemail. you told me that today of all days i need to contact you, so i did. and you repetitively asked to see me, and i told you no; even though i wanted to say yes. after trying to function for a few hours, i gave in; i couldn't deal with it, i had to see you, i couldn't not see you, no one understands, but you do. it was good to talk to you for a while, but at times i wanted scream, punch things, and cry. that night i needed to get fucked up, it had been three fucking years, i needed to be okay, even though i wasn't, i needed to spend it with the person that means the most to me on this planet now, my best friend, she was there for me, the alcohol was there for me, the drugs were there for me. i put my happy face on, buried my feelings away deep inside of my, and i didn't let them escape, i ignored everything that would upset me, set me off, show my broken heart and cause me to fall apart. to my surprise, i ended up having a good night, i was completely fucked and i was rolling around giggling with my girl, and i had forgotten. then i remembered, you had been talking to my new boy tonight, on our three year anniversary of meeting, you we're with him, the one who is now making me happy, and you obviously fed him teaspoon after teaspoon of bullshit that your fucked up mind could come up with, twisting the story, making yourself look like the good guy, showing off the costume you wear in front of the world. how fucking dare you. i wonder if the one i care about knows; this is just one of your heartless plans to cause shit between me and him, he wants to split us apart, he wants me to hurt and crawl back to him, which i will never fucking do. i can't stand the person you've become, you are heartless, entirely untruth worthy, manipulative, cheeky, using, backstabbing, two faced mother fucker. you've put me through hell now, i can't believe what i let you get away with, and after everything, i was still there and i cared, but you've always treated me like dirt. you lie with every breathe you take. but it's now time, to leave the past in the past, and never mention it again, i don't need you stirring around with my life, i don't want to be near you, it makes it harder, memories are all that we have left now. i'm saying goodbye's to what we were, what we had, and what we didn't. i care about myself too much to let you in it anymore.

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