i don't know what came over me, or what i was thinking exactly; but i know you were on my mind. i feel terrible that my self control wasn't enough to stop myself, and that i felt like i had to hide this from you. bottling my feelings has become like second nature to me, but i didn't think that i would do this; i tried my hardest to fight the urges, but this time, in my drunken state; i wasn't strong enough. and now; through hurting myself, i've hurt you too. i'm sorry that you had to see this side of me, the look in your eyes is now burned into the back of my brain. i can't let this happen again, for me, for you, for us. this part of me; needs to stay in the past.