i remember the first time i saw you; you were lying with tubes down your throat in an incubator because you were six weeks premature, and too small to be able to breathe on your own. i remember the first time i held you, i still feel special because i was the first person to hold you; except for your mum, our dad, and of course the doctors and nurses. i remember the first time i changed you nappy, i hated it; smelt horrible. i remember the first time i saw you holding a condom, i was ten and you were six; you came into the house holding a pink rippled condom, and we all laughed as you asked what it was; you mistakened it for a balloon and attempted to blow it up. i remember the first time i stuck up for you at school, a few boys from the year above you were picking on you for being held back a year, you were crying; and i told them to piss off, if i remember correctly i scared the shit out of them, and they never bothered you again. i remember so many things from our childhood, even though i haven't been there much whilst you were growing up. i remember the first time i ever got high around you, you were sitting in the back of my car with our older brother, and i was sitting in the passenger seat and my boy friend at the time was driving, we were parked up at the beach, and i was freaking out, the thought of your mum finding out i was smoking drugs around you scares the shit out of me, and we made sure you knew the consequences if you were to taddle tale on us. that was the same night we set an age limit to when we were going to allow you to smoke dope yourself, and you promised i would be the first person to take you out to a bar, or club and buy you a drink. tomorrow, your becoming a teenager. turning the big one three, thirteen; it seems like just yesterday we were climbing trees, and playing with brats dolls together. even though i know you will never read this; i want you to know that your big sister loves you more than you will ever be able to understand.