Tuesday, February 22, 2011

i thought we would have lasted longer.

it sucks you know? when the only person you want to dry your eyes is the person who caused them to weep.

mindfuck.

you are almost as confusing as i am, you changed your mind to the point it's un-naturally frequent, and you have an interesting habit of over reacting. it's time's like those where i think my life would be easier without you in it. but sometimes you make me laugh like there is no tomorrow, and smile as though i haven't got a care in the world. sometimes i like you, but sometimes i just don't, and that's why i'm really confused.

Monday, February 21, 2011

your words cut me like a knife, and with the tears you caused, the blood will rip off my skin.

the words you used to describe me are bouncing around in my head like a ball, hitting every nerve. cheating, lieing, stealing slut. but your right, you could never handle me, we both knew that from the start. and throughout our relationship you always reminded me i was never going to be good enough for you.

i don't want to let go.

the worse part is, i know my heart, i know how strongly attached it is and i don't know how long it's going to hold onto you.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

fuck.

sometimes i feel like i'm fading away slowly, i can't put my thoughts of feeling into words. it's frustrating the fuck out of me.

you are amazing.

here's the thing, it will always be you. from the day i met you, you have never left my heart, and you never will. you are the most amazing guy i have ever met, and i know one day we will find our ways to back to each other. you have never made me anything but happy, i miss you everyday. i'll be home soon.

Monday, February 7, 2011

i wish you didn't see.

the whole time we were together in the back of my mind, there were two thoughts running through my head;  'fuck, i hope he doesn't see them' and 'i love you' i was trying so hard to hide them from you, but in the second i let go and forgot what i was trying to hide, you saw. i knew straight away from the look on your face, a look i dread to see, and now it's burning a hole in my brain. i know how you feel about self harm, and all i can say is FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK. what have i done! i'm so angry at myself, and it just makes me want to do it more. but your smile, your smile alone; is stopping me. i'm so sorry, i lost control of myself. i don't know what else i can say.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

fuck.

staring at you isn't enough for me, not after everything we've been through together, it just isn't enough. all i want is to hear your voice, i don't give a flying fuck what you have to say, i just want to hear your voice. you could be waffling on about the latest work you've done on your car, or something funny that happened when you were working, and i'd be completely mesmerized by the tone in your voice. i used to love the way you would tell me a story, you looked so cute; you'd get so into it, using hand movements, and you'd constantly have a smile on your face. now, i wish i'd listened to every single word you had to say. but then again, you say it best when you say nothing at all. it was like you had glued my feet to the floor when you looked at me that way today, i didn't ever want to loose eye contact with you again, but i forced myself to keep walking and fuck it hurt.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

shall we turn back time?

i don't know what to do, i don't know what to think, i don't know what to say. everything reminds me of you, and i can't face the fact you wont be around anymore. i woke up this morning, looked outside at the bright blue cloudless sky, my first thought was 'BEACH!' and then i thought of you, and all the times we went to the beach together. lying in the sun, playing around in the water, learning to surf the waves, walking around the mount hand in hand, you holding me in your arms as the waves crashed over us. getting up early to go see david hasselhoff, and being hit in the head from one of the ice blocks he through to the crowd. we have so many memories at the beach, and all i want is to go there with you one last time. but i know that wont happen.

Friday, February 4, 2011

thank you for being you.

i don't give you enough credit for what you do for me, or for how much you help. sometimes i get too caught up in my own problems to see what your doing, or hear what your saying. and for this i am sorry, i don't mean to do it. i know i can always depend on you to stick by me, and look after me. thank you for everything beautiful.

dreams don't come true.

i've dreamt about you every night since i told you it was over. first few nights i was having dreams of you dying, usually in my arms. but the other night, and last night i had dreams about you, the kind of dreams that i never want to wake up from. it was like we went back in time a few months; we were happy, we were laughing, and smiling at each other. you were holding me in your arms, kissing me all over my face and then you stopped and whispered in my ear "i love you so much" i woke up with a smile on my face, and then my faced dropped and the tears started to pour as i remembered it was only a dream, and i'm never going to be able to hear those words come out of your mouth ever again.

my blood supply runs dry.


and you squeezed every last morsel of love out of me 
and left a bitter crusted shell 
the door slams shut, you're leaving me 
this time i can't help but feel relief 
and i'm squeezing my hands so tight 
that the blood supply runs dry

and i won't swallow my pride 
coz i haven't got a drop to digest 
my blood supply runs dry 
my love for you's run dry 





it's cut off all the love to my heart 
it's cutting off my love for you 
my fingertips are cold and white 
and i can hardly move an inch 

coz i've cut off all my blood supply 
i've cut off all my love supply

Thursday, February 3, 2011

i like your company.

this friendship was very unexpected, although we've only hung out a few times, and haven't been talking very long; i really like spending time with you, you make me laugh which is an achievement lately. to my surprise you've actually been making me feel better about myself, as though i will still find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, after the storm has passed. even though sometimes it can get a bit awkward, and we run out of things to talk about; i can't wait till we next hang out.

uhh no.

a friend tried telling me i could have who ever i wanted so there wasn't any reason for me to be sad, but that sentence made entirely no sense to me. if i can have who ever i want; then why can't i have him? oh yeah, that's right.. i can't. and it's fucking tearing me apart.

when a heart breaks; no it don't break even.


what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
what am i supposed to say when i'm all choked up and you're ok,
i'm falling to pieces.
i'm falling to pieces.

i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing,
just praying to a god i don't believe in.