Monday, March 28, 2011

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine.

i knew this day was coming; it had to come eventually. but i forgot how much it hurt finding out that the person you love has found happiness in someone else, he's moved on with his life and forgotten about the life we once lived together. throwing away all the stupid things that made us laugh at each other, and special little memories we shared. erasing the summer days we spent lying in the sun, dipping in and out of the ocean, riding waves together, and dodging the flying jelly pieces we'd thrown, ending our perfect days together tangled up in bed. i remember the over-welming feeling i got every time you wrapped me in your arms, it felt like within moments you had completely covered me with unbreakable armor, and there wasn't any possible way i could have been hurt again. i was without a doubt completely safe with you, and i've never been able to say that about anyone before. i remember the first time you asked me to be yours; i ran, screamed and jumped around my house for at least half an hour before you could calm me down from the intense amounts of excitement that was pumping through my body. i remember staying up till the early hours in the morning on the phone to you, calling each other 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' because we were just that excited about being with each other, and even though we had school in the morning; we didn't care, we appreciated talking about nothing too much to care how much sleep we got. we would stay up giggling under neath our sheets, reminding each other just how much we adored the other. i remember the first time you told me you loved me, it was minutes after you broke up with me. leaving my house with tears starting to build within your crystal blue eyes; causing my body to shake, and the regret to drip from my eyes. i didn't believe for a second that you loved me, but i knew i was going to love you. your eyes meeting mine in a crowd was like magic; that was one of the things i adored most about you, when you looked at me; you weren't just looking at me, you were looking into me, as though you were looking into my heart and soul. you saw straight through my bullshit attempts to hide the way i truly felt, on the inside, which is usually the opposite of how i felt, on the outside. i remember the first time i told you i love you; we were being idiots, which was what we did best and i was talking to you in the hypothetical term. at first you didn't realise exactly what i'd said, but after a minute and a forming grin on your face, you clicked! i couldn't help but laugh at you for being so thick, but it was so cute, and you soon after replied "i love you too samara" it's been a month and a week or two since you last told me you love me, and there is no doubt in my mind that you, no longer love me. but it's okay, i'm fine. your now someone else's 'mr. mazing' and they are now 'your beautiful' not me. but it's okay, i'm fine. i still love you; but it's okay, i'm fine. p.s i'm lieing.

No comments:

Post a Comment