Friday, May 20, 2011

it's not you, it's me.

i know you wanted to see me, i know you wanted to make sure i was alright, i know you just wanted to be there for me. but there's something inside of me, something dark inside of me, screaming no. there's this wall i've built around myself, around my heart; that wall protects me, it assures me i wont be hurt again. as much as i want to let you be there for me, as much as i want to lean on you; i can't, i just can't. it's not you, it's me. that's the honest truth. you've been nothing but amazing, i'm just in a bad place right now. my head is in a constant argument with my heart, and there seems to be no solution. i know i need to find a way to let you in, to let you see me, for me. but i can't. i know that i should trust you, because i have absolutely no reason at all not to trust you. but i can't. there is so much about me that i know you'll never be able understand, but i also know i should at least give you the chance to try and understand, but i can't. i'm not ready to let you in, i'm not ready to show you my true colours, i'm not ready to be honest about myself yet. but i'm fucking terrified of what will happen if i do. i'm just not ready, i need time.
and for this; i am so sorry.

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