i'm becoming something i swore i would never be. i'm beginning to walk down a road, a road towards destruction, fear, pain, anger, regret, loss, corruption, and torment, a rollercoaster of high's and low's. this road will take me away, from myself, and what i want. this road is leading me in the opposite direction to where i want to go, who i want to be. maybe i can change this, this horrible mess i've created, but then again; maybe i can't. maybe if i change, it would change this, but then again maybe it wouldn't. never the less, i need to change; i hate what i've done, i hate where i'm headed. i never thought i was capable of sickness myself so much. i'm afraid of the future, and where my life will take me. i pray that i will find the courage, and strength inside of me to turn around, and change this.